more top 10

another round of top 10 Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000167 EndHTML:0000008328 StartFragment:0000000457 EndFragment:0000008312

top ten sayings for pooping.

1. laying pipe.

2. dropping a deuce.

3. unpacking a stink brick.

4. dropping the kids off at the pool.

5. plopping a mud monkey.

6. cleaning house.

7. grinding a chud.

8. splitting my rosebud.

9. texas chainsaw ass-acre.

10. gambled and lost.

top 10 sequels/prequels that should have never been made and why.

1. Superman 3- Richard Pryor is not a good idea for a Superman movie. seriously. who the fuck thought he would go great in this movie? studio execs need to stop doing cocaine. it will avert major tragedies like:

2. Superman 4 the quest for peace- with a turd like superman 3, how the fuck did this movie ever get green-lit? oh, yeah, cocaine.

3. Conan the destroyer- this movie sucked so bad that i had a hard time watching it when i was 11. come on, an 11 year old smells your bullshit? stop with the bad 80's coke movies. put that shit down and become creative again. unlike:

4. Speed 2. Worst. Sequel. Ever. (maybe). pick the slowest-moving vehicle and add a terrible premise and a bad , no-chemisty relationship between sandra bullock and jason patrick, and you've got this turd.

5. Alien 3. wtf? kill Hicks and Newt in the opening scene? i will find the person responsible for this abortion if it is the last thing i ever do. unfortunately, there were like fifteen re-writes (some even happening during the actual filming), so i will never know for sure who did it. the movie looked great and gave the wotld david fincher, one of the best directors ever, but it was a seriously horrible movie that will go down in the annals of bad moviedom.

6. Poltergeist 3. come on! the little girl DIED during the filming! you should have cut your losses. you can totally tell when they were shooting around her. and btw, a haunted skyscraper is not scarry. fuck you gary sherman, writer and director. i hope you get leprosy.

7. indiana jones and the fucking alien skull thing. indy as a beat-up old man. how exciting. shia la duche as a brando type. opposite of believable. he can't act tough, let alone be tough in real life. then we get bad cgi, an ugly karen allen, and a stupid sidekick guy that's shifty, but for some reason, indy keeps getting faked out. this movie is a dud. screw george lucas and speilberg. lucas must have some really racy photos of speilberg. he keeps getting him to do crap. speaking of crap:

8. the lost world- the book was perfect. speilberg barely had to write 10 seconds worth of a screenplay. crichton's book was stellar. the movie didn't even have the main character from the book in it, and it had that stupid gymnast kid kicking a raptor's ass. that kid should have been gymnast tartar. stupid fucking ending, too. godzilla shit with the dinos making it to the shore.

9. highlander 2- hey, i have a great idea, let's do away with every single thing the first movie set up and make them aliens!! i think it's a great idea! it won't piss off the fans at all! and screw continuity, the actors can switch swords mid-fight. no one will notice. and lets bring back that over-acting schmuck sean connery. we'll have him mug for the camera and do some wacky things like say "shit head" a bunch of times. we'll have him toast to the alien homeworld, and then have him duck out before the ending. and seriously, general katana? better than general stiletto, i suppose.

10. Star wars the phantom menace. don't have the stamina to make fun of this logic-defying piece of steamy, molding bear shit. this is why freedom of speech is a painful thing. george lucas fucking wrote this shit biscuit in one, yes one, weekend. and his staff of sycophantic ass-kissing zombies let him roll with it. they enabled him to produce the most insipid character to EVER grace the silver screen: Jar-Jar Binks. that stupid cartoon space bunny was absolutely hateful. i begged for his demise the moment he first appeared on the screen. i thought anakin would turn to the dark side by finally having enough of jar jar's stupidity and flaying him with his light saber. oh, yeah, midichlorians. so the force is microscopic bugs? thanks georgie, you fat douche. you fucking ruined star wars.

top ten things i have done to your food when i worked in restaurants.

1. i spit in your salad dressing. just to watch you eat it.

2. i dropped your taylor ham sandwich on the floor and stepped on it, then i put it in a bun and served it to you. why? because i didn't like you. you were pompous. and i was hung over.

3. i poured pork roll grease on your bun because you bitched about it being too greasy the last time. i served up to you with a promise of less grease,never seeing you again after you attempted to eat that horror. problem solved.

4. i dropped your shrimp salad on the floor. all of it, and it was a very dirty floor, too. so i put it all back in the bowl and put it back in the deli case. Mmmm... crunchy.

5. i cut myself on a tuna can lid and bled into the tuna salad. good thing i am clean, right? you ATE my blood!!!

6. i wrung out the dirty mop head in the greasy, dark, dirty mop bucket right next to the sandwich rolls. it splashed onto the rolls. of course it splashed onto the rolls. but i didn't throw it out. i served you one with shrimp or tuna salad in it. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

7. i plunged the toilet after the moose with the suspenders clogged it. i dropped the plunger next to those same rolls i served you already. those poor rolls, just covered in filth.

8. i re-used butter cups, you know, the home-made jobs that look whipped in little paper cups? yes, i took them off of dirty plates, picked crumbs out of them, and put them back on tables for the next victim to use. i didn't care if the table with three flu patients coughed on them. i took them and re-used them anyway.

9. i rinsed the rotting slime off the deli ham in the sink that i emptied the mop bucket in. i rinsed the rotting hame ooze off and sliced it up for you, good as new, on a hoagie roll. see #6.

10. i sprayed highly-toxic grease cutter into the deep fryer. it looked cool! big flames jumped out. and all that toxic shit stayed in the oil, made its way into your fries, and is still probably eating away at your liver as you read this.

this is what happens in the food industry. none of these things are made up. this all happened. you have been warned.